012 | How to Get Incredibly Disciplined (For Real This Time)
Exactly how I got my shit together and advice from others.
TW: I don’t want to shove productivity talk down your throat. If you are in a season of rest, click out of this page. If you’re sick of it all, I understand! Click! Out!! Of this page!!!
This is only for you if you want to change.
I don’t always have my shit together. I have stretches where I do none of the things I said I would and I’m not writing this from on top of a mountain of neatly folded clothing and clean dishes.
However, even in my messy relationship with discipline, more on and off again than any high school relationship you’ve ever seen, discipline has made my life a hell of a lot easier.
There is so much in life we can’t control, like some health situations or the families we’re born into, but our own actions are one of the few things we do.
This is how, and why, I taught myself to be disciplined, for the most part.
BACKGROUND
One of my greatest skills is discipline. It started my senior year of college when I got unhealthily addicted to self-improvement videos, which benefited me in the long run but made me a bit of a nut for a while. I used to be a mess; my bedroom looked like the aftermath of a sample sale, my bags were full of whatever from the night before, my sleep schedule was in shambles, I have no idea if I ever drank water, and I had poor time management skills (which was probably the worst offender).
I grew up going to good schools that managed a lot of my life, and I was dedicated to soccer and cross country. I didn’t have to be disciplined because someone always made my schedule for me. I was a good rule follower which, as everyone knows, boils down to just being a follower. I was, in no way, building my own life, nor did I want the responsibility to do so. The structure created in my life was due to my loving tiger mom and teachers who wanted the privileged students in their school to do well. When I got to my massive state school for college, I was able to float by at the surface with classes thanks to the competitive schools that prepared me, but I wasn’t necessarily doing anything else. My major required an internship, so I got a good internship. My friends joined clubs and Greek life, so I joined clubs and Greek life. I did well at things because it was expected of me. At the surface, things were great, but below, things were kind of a trashcan.
I HAD A REASON TO CHANGE
My senior year I had enough. I was done skating by. I saw people my age really start to do well, and why not me? I didn’t want to be the person with a messy room, I didn’t want to be the person who stopped running, I didn’t want to be so many of the habits I built on myself. It wasn’t like I woke up one day and it all hit me, it sort of just boiled in me until I had enough with it all. I was so frustrated with myself. I didn’t have a hard life, there were no uphill battles, the system wasn’t against me. No excuses.
Hence, the discipline journey began. It goes up and down, like most things in life, but I am happy I taught myself how to be disciplined when I did. It has been six years now. I eat relatively healthy, I wake up early, I drink in moderation, I read, I floss, I wash my face every night. The one area of discipline I falter on is creating anything for myself, but I’ve gone over that before, and I am working on it! Right here! With this newsletter!
I COSPLAYED SOMEONE HAVING THEIR SHIT TOGETHER
I started off by watching videos of people whose lives were disciplined, like people living in tiny houses in the woods, like Isabel Paige, who had the same routines every day. Then, I started getting into the space where they taught you how to be disciplined. I now see these as repetitive and a bit guru-y, but it’s what I needed. My favorite was the account Better Ideas. Then, I would tell myself I was a totally different version of myself, like how performers have alter egos. That’s where things picked up a bit more.
I STARTED ON EASY MODE
I started to wake up early and read. To make it easy, I started off by picking up a random book that had a one-page-a-day format that I could reflect on, like a devotional. While I would venture to say you should choose a different book, I landed on the Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. Some days, I would read one page, and some days I would read more, and then write about it and how stoicism related to my life.
Because I was already writing, I then wrote a to-do list. There, my morning journaling routine was born. It was an easy life and a reason to wake up at the same time every day.
I TOOK AWAY BARRIERS
After that, I hit the gym, which was in my building which helped a lot. I never went to the on-campus gym, even though it was state of the art and had a rock climbing wall. I chugged water while I walked or ran on the treadmill. I have never lived in a building with a gym since so I am very happy I had one at the start of this all.
After the gym, I got back into my apartment, showered, got my stuff together, and went to class.
This wasn’t a giant shift in my life, but cosplaying as someone who had their shit together in the morning like a monk with an internet consumption problem was the kick in the ass I needed to do the harder things, like creating structure while working for myself, making my own deadlines, running on my own time to train for half marathons, and writing a weekly newsletter.
I try to make things as easy as possible for myself. Sometimes I go on runs in pajama shorts because not having clean leggings shouldn’t be a barrier to running. I don’t have a specific day when my newsletter comes out. If I miss a day doing something, I don’t sweat it, because I know I can hop back on the wagon tomorrow. Things can come easy. Missing three days feels like a lot, but missing one doesn’t kill me.
I LET MYSELF BE A BEGINNER
I also gave myself permission to be bad at things. I know I am not a good writer, but at one point, I had a really shitty podcast and now I produce podcasts for a living. I know things take time, and I’m not a quitter. I tell myself I actually like being bad at things because it lets me do more. I am a bad dancer, but that doesn’t mean I won’t go to Zumba class with my friends. I have very little knowledge of Spanish and my pronunciation is bad, but that will not keep me from trying. I go through phases where I stop running and I just accept I’ll be a bad runner and then in a few weeks, I won’t be as bad.
I am ok at being a beginner, people expect beginners to be bad at things. It’s not embarrassing or a reason to stop, it’s just how things are, and I will put in whatever effort I have into it. Just because you are bad at something doesn’t mean it can’t be fun or a good experience. I have skied my entire life and I am so bad it’s comical. I ski like a baby deer learning to walk. That baby deer was unfortunately born without a front right leg or back left leg. They are also on an icy lake covered in olive oil. I still like to ski!
I FAKE IT TILL I MAKE IT
I pretty much follow the same steps above for everything now if I want to add a new routine into my life. I act like I am that person, the type of person who does whatever I want to do to the best of my ability. I find myself in characters in books or movies and value aspects in my friends that I want to emulate (that’s why it’s important to be mindful of who you spend time with!). I say no to fun when I need to and say yes when I want because I know I will go back to being disciplined tomorrow.
Don’t just take it from me. I am just a random person on the internet. Listen to other random people on the internet too.
I documented some notes from other Substacks on discipline that I found helpful.
How do you stay on top of your shit?
Notes on Discipline Across Substack
train your attention span SO GOOD it feels weird to scroll by Drishti Pandita
You need discipline because you live in a casino. Refreshing your feeds is a slot machine. The good news is you have to write your own rules.
Variable-ratio reinforcement: B.F. Skinner and Charles Ferster found that when rewards are given after an unpredictable number of actions, people stay engaged longer and put in more effort. This type of reward system also makes behaviors harder to stop.
Have a boring window throughout the day where you just walk, do dishes, whatever, but make sure there is no input. This is to help reset your dopamine baseline. Boredom is the medicine.
Protect the first hour of your day because whatever circuit you fire up first wins in the day. Make sure it doesn’t start as an infinite scroll. No phone, no email, no social. Read, write, chill out. Maybe I will start doing an apartment pickup right when I wake up instead of at night. That always keeps me off my phone.
5 Principles for Effortless Discipline by Life Wisdom - Words of Taoism
“…lasting change does not come from self-punishment but from self-respect.”
Gentle discipline strips away internal friction. Ask yourself what the next light step is, how you can avoid fighting yourself, and find release over force. Wu wei is a Taoist principle, translated to effortless action. Embrace wu wei.
Avoid perfectionism and rigid self-control.
how to be extremely disciplined by Bella Dane
Ask yourself, “what would a disciplined person do” and then act on it. Be the person who acts.
Reward consistency and effort rather than outcome or dramatic shifts.
Discipline Over Motivation by Disciplined Minds
Don’t rely on motivation more than discipline to achieve your goals. Motivation is emotional but discipline is structural, creating stability. You won’t collapse every time your mood changes if you are disciplined. Continue to move when motivation disappears.
Discipline Is a Form of Self-Respect — 1 February by George
Honor yourself and the promises you make by being disciplined. Your life deserves structure and respect, which both come with discipline.
Choose standards you can live with and let the discipline be an expression of care rather than severity or control.
Discipline Comes from Having No Choice by Conquer
Change your environment, delete your socials, sell your TV or video games, get a dumb phone, do whatever it takes to make sure your environment is clean from distractions.
Schedule well and kill the gaps where discipline goes to die and add in focus periods.
How to Trick Your Brain into Doing Difficult Things by Dr. Dominic Ng
You need to boost your own ego. If you say you are not athletic or you are a die-hard perfectionist, you won’t go to the gym and won’t put out anything that isn’t perfect. Change how you think about yourself.
Pretend you are someone you aren’t for a little to set yourself up to become the person you want to be.
Embrace being a beginner. You are learning, you are new, you are practicing, you are developing. Your brain thinks in dramatic messages, but don’t listen to it. It is not too hard, too much, and it can happen today.